clean slate
so much has happened since i last wrote/deleted what i initially wrote. things, people, events, emotions, non-happenings.
like i’ve said a million times over, i rarely blog when it matters. sigh.
so what brings me here today? frustration.
i caught a glimpse of what i thought i wanted to be, who i thought i aspired to be. well, for a start of course (i never aim too low *snort*) and the picture wasn’t pretty. and it was saddening, frustrating. i doubt any of you know what i’m talking about. but just be reminded of this, never piss on people (figuratively, duh) just because you think you know better, because you’re think you’re either older or wiser or smarter or richer. there are reasons for this, of course, and if it isn’t already too obvious, you’ve gotta seriously get an attitude check. the most obvious would be cause sometimes you’re not as bright as you think you are. fullstop. but even if you are, it just doesn’t merit you pissing on people. really. and of course, because hidup ini bagaikan roda.
everything you say represents who you are. well, some people do a fine job of showing us what arses they are, huh.
i rarely stay angry. by george, i hardly get angry. you all know i’m too oblivious (and i ‘d like to think, tolerant) to care. but if i say something’s wrong, something’s wrong. (ok, i so totally hijacked a line from 27 Dresses, which i just watched, and isn’t james marsden just impossibly irresistable in it?)
ramble. ramble. it’s been a month, cut me some slack.
another line. you’re cynical, cranky and impossible. but fighting with you has been the best thing that ever happened to me. sound familiar? i’d say it’s the story of my life. 
what else happened? H1N1. let’s just not go there. i hope melbourne is having a blast.
school’s in session next week, and part of me’s excited. caught wind of interesting snippets of gossip and i’m raring for some social experimentation. you just watch the new me. you won’t be able to resist. OR. the more real version of what’s going to happen, i’ll go to class, fade in the background, not a learn a thing til it’s time for some marks, scramble my way through the semester and get barely satisfactory grades in exchange for absolutely nothing gained. how’s that sound?
i’m also frustrated about many other things. the kind of things i usually internalized and not mention. so that just sucks.
and i’m not craving for the ipod touch yet. geez, such a brat.
let’s just end this abruptly, shall we? 
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instinct
i wish i could write it all down. i really do. but i can’t. but living with this fear creeping at the back of your mind every day is taxing. i’m scared, i really am. this is something i really don’t want to go through, not now. and not just for my sake. but even if it was for selfish reasons, does it make it wrong? in my defense, in my opinion, no. i don’t know if things are gonna be alright, but i pray it does. just give us time. please, God.
i’m gonna be okay. i hope he will be too.
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Awesomeness!
- Upset of the Season? Nope, well deserved!
Cantiello: Last question: There’s some heartbroken Adam Lambert fans on the Internet. What do you say to them right now to cushion the blow a little bit?
Allen: OK, here’s the deal: Adam is gonna be fine. He’s gonna be a megastar. He’s probably gonna be bigger than me, so don’t worry about him. He’s great. I’m really happy for him.
Cantiello: Happy for him, and super happy for you. Congratulations, Kris.
Allen: Thanks a lot.
Cantiello: Enjoy the ride
-My two favourite Idol-related people this year. Jim Cantiello, in absence of a StarWorld channel (or even with em), you have always lighted up my days. SHOUTOUT!
sidenote to (cough) Danny Gokey : that’s how you do it.
SO, need I scream more? I am as willing as Kris Allen to acknowledge Adam Lambert’s awesome chops, but I can’t help but be ecstatic to have, for the first time ever, the object of my devotion win AI. Last year, it could’ve gone either way and it wouldn’t have mattered much (though Cook appealed more). Most of us the seasons before were blah, then Kat McPhee had to lose to eeewww Taylor Hicks. So, this is just awesome! Admittedly, I wouldn’t have minded him losing, in hopes of getting some Archuleta charm. But, THIS IS JUST AWESOME!
Dear American Idol producers,
Please don’t screw up Kris Allen’s career and let him take his own creative liberties on his album.
Thanks.
Love, Khalidah Nazihah
oh, oh, oh. Get a load of this! Well, this sort of prompted the note above anyway.
This is Jim Cantiello’s final note on his live blog of the American Idol Finale.
10:15 pm – BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!! The press room left the feed up after the show went off the air and I NEEEED to share what I just witnessed. Right after Kris won, he was whisked away to backstage, where a crew was waiting for him to say “I’m going to Disney World!” Kris, being a low key dude, wasn’t giving the producer what he wanted. “Be more excited!” Kris tried to up the energy. “I’m going to Disney World!” “You can do better than that! SCREAM IT!” Kris tried again. The producer pushed more. Kris tried again. And then an “Idol” stage manager rushed in and started yelling at the other producer. “That’s the best you’re gonna get! Let him be himself! He doesn’t do excitement!” I’m so depressed that I witnessed that. Okay, I’m done now. Thanks for reading!
;’( fears for Kris Allen.
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1) i felt like crying after marketing. because it’s marketing.
2) i feel i deserve more carry marks for MIS. it’s unfair. because it’s MIS.
3) i’m more bummed than i let on. this includes things beyond petty school stuff.
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When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I’ve known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I’d go hungry, I’d go blind for you
I’d go crawling down the aisle for you
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging on a rolling sea
Down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain’t seen nothing like me yet
There ain’t nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love
adele’s is not too bad either. sigh.
three papers down. two to go!
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you be the judge..
Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They’ll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:
You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
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gleeba!
ok. so. the post before was so random. i swear it came out of nowhere.
i’m so lah in of those weird phases where i find myself with these soulsearching questions at the most random of moments. and i’m sick of complaining, whining. such a waste of time, no?
and i always tend to take “ignorance is bliss” to extreme levels. i’m so not supposed to avoid the things i’m avoiding right now.
la la la.
sigh. restless. i’m constantly on the edge of my seat. something’s either not right or is about to go seriously wrong. tired of waiting for the ball to drop. heart, stop pounding! geez louise, it would be so much easier if i were a vampire! ngee.
even enya’s not helping. LOL. breaking dawn did, for a bit (hence, the vampiric tendencies). but i’m supposed to be reading the j curve! damn it. wish i could go through that that fast.
idol’s not that bad now, is it? i’m starting to not be able to tell anymore. and someone please agree with me that some people on that show are just SO overrated! (read:adam lambert danny gokey lil rounds and yes, i daresay scott mcintyre) cycle 12 of antm sucks, tyra should just give it up. and whyyyyy did i have to read that gg episode review, now all the buzz is gone. and after a month plus hiatus too. oth is just coasting for me. oh, someone should totally restart the OC, and keep marissa dead too.
i watch way too much tv, huh.
does anyone know good pet groomers who do rabbits? emmett is in need of a makeover! he reminds me of those antm makeovers where people come in with bad weaves that need to be removed. poor emmett.
i’m still in need of karaoke. i just haven’t found that song.
whoa, enya ended like 5 minutes ago and i so did not notice.
MONEY and BANKING, you are my everest!!
ok, enough with random thoughts. let’s get some shuteye, shall we? some of us have to wake up at 7 on a Saturday morning. oh joy!
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linger
i wish i was a vampire. (for very obvious reasons, no?)
i wish i was jessica biel.
i wish i was katharine mcphee.
i wish i was karolina kurkova.
i wish i was james dray. (cringe. i hope no one reading knows the guy! if you do, i sure as hell hope you don’t know me)
i wish i was honey, lilac and sunshine!
i wish i’d stop whining. whiners are wieners, people!
ahhh, yes. the ridiculous dreams we have for a variation of reasons. i have different reasons of course for each separate (not to mention again, ridiculous) wish above. doesn’t make it any less ridiculous though.
learn to be happy with who you are and what you have. and quit whining about it.
this is a community service message.
hahaha.
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well, it turned out fine. thank god. i’m up for a pretty targeted organized semester. hope it bodes well in terms of results too. of which i must admit, i’m currently under pressure for. pressure to perform. it will determine my fate for the rest of the year. so wish me luck, cross your fingers and pray for me. and i’ll promise i’ll try my best. deal? please?
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impatience….
….will be the death of me. it will, i tell you.
if you’re gonna bloody announce that add/drop will start next week, then bloody release the course schedule!!! to some people, achieving the perfect equilibrium to a weekly schedule actually matters. and to come to that point, it takes meticulous planning, coordination and communication that could take days! so release it already!
what more when you’ve been victimizing people by not letting them add subjects just because of a few technicalities, even though when they’re completely qualified and entitled to it, and this would be the first time said person will be able to add her subjects comfortably, release the bloody course schedule already!!!!!!!
by the way, it’s official. i’m in. bachelor of economics, baby! it now says BECS next to my bloody name on attendance slips. woohoo.
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