i don’t know why, but i think this song and performance is amazing, and feel i need to spread the joy and get as many people to listen to this as possible. i truly hope Kris Allen’s album will sound something like this. give it a listen, truly awesome.

“if the bright lights don’t receive you, just turn yourself around and come on home”

why try when you know you’ll fail

my life is a big, pathetic joke

..because Along is not home

..because tomorrow class starts! (booooooo!)

..because there are a gazillion assignments to be done

..because shopping (even watching people shop) is way more fun then class

..because the first thing tomorrow morning is Usul Fiqh, which to quote Farhah, will be the longest 1 hour and 20 minutes of our lives

..because it’s always like that after a 2 week break

..because it’s still Syawal

MAJOR BACK TO SCHOOL BLUES!!!

Ramadhan is leaving us. few days left..

Along got Top Five best decorated desk for Raya in her office. lol. sounds fun, huh? anyway, talk about this after berbuka led us to conversation about Nur Kasih, cause apparently Along’s officemate has a desktop background picture of her and Remy Ishak. so, we were talking about episode 22, 23 and 24 (or was it 23, 24, 25?).

Pa : are you guys talking about the drama melayu every Thursday night tu?

Along & me in unison : Friday night

Pa : ha, Friday. my students talk about it all the time on Facebook. status message : jangan lupa tengok Nur Kasih malam ni, etc, etc

(we know he has Facebook, neither of us are on his friend list though)

Along : oh, tau la Pa. you add your students tapi tak nak add your own children.

Pa : you have to add me lah. i don’t add my students, they are the ones who wants to become “friends” with me. you yang tak nak “be friends” with me.

at this point, i was wondering to myself why on earth you would add your lecturer on FB. haha. i wouldn’t want him/her to know i watch Nur Kasih or any other personal detail, for that matter. i have a persona to keep up - being non-existent! haha. adding your dad, that’s slightly more understandable. not that i’m doing it any time soon though. haha   this doesn’t mean i don’t want to “be friends” with you, Pa

at the end of the day, we are all alone

i rarely am the pessimist. i’m all for positive thinking and happy thoughts. whiners are wieners! but these days, or nights, rather, seem to drag out and sad, wistful thoughts consume me. i may be distracting myself with trivial pursuits, playing The Sims to no end, have Friends playing in the background while i read Eclipse, trying to organize my closet but ending up dumping its contents on the floor (this would be less trivial), but that nagging feeling is lingering at the back of my mind.

alone.

which is ironic. these thoughts often bother me when i haven’t seen much of the people i love. this past week has been nothing but surrounding myself around such people. and i’ve had great, happy times too. maybe it’s just the realization that after those happy moments, you go back, lie in your bed, and you’re still alone.

maybe i’m just kidding myself.

maybe it’s nothing.

just being a drama queen?

entahlah.

raya is in a few days.. how time flies..

sometimes we have to let people make their own mistakes, it’s the only way they learn.

i wish some had stopped me from making the mistake i made today. and the mistake i’m about to.

fear can motivate us to do many things. some good, some inevitably bad. today, i did the bad. i don’t know why i did it, but i did. i felt pushed to a corner, and i ran. i’m ashamed of myself, of what i caused, of what i said, of whom i hurt. i wouldn’t wish it on anyone ever, especially not you. but it happened. so what now?

i wish i could say i knew. i wish, as many have before me, that i could turn back time and erase what happened. but i can’t.

sometimes we have to let people make their own mistakes, it’s the only way they learn.

the only thing i learnt today, is that some mistakes are not worth making.

i wish someone hadn’t let me make that mistake.

i truly wish i could turn back time.

i’m gonna make a change for once in my life it’s gonna feel real good gonna make a difference gonna make it right

weird to be quoting michael jackson for my ramadhan resolution, but there it is. tis the season to be the contemplative and spiritual. for a change.

so, yes. another hiatus. no explanations, this time. i just thought the circumstances beckon me to write something. if you’re reading this, i wish you a happy, blessed ramadhan.

it’s a better time to be making resolutions than new years’ right? so yeah, gotta change a bit. as usual, i’m just coasting academically speaking. i’m not really motivated to do anything in any area of my life. not even blog. so, that will hopefully change.

oh, that wasn’t exactly true. i AM motivated by something. fantasy. lol. football, to be exact. it’s becoming some sorta escape outlet i’ve plunged headfirst into. not gonna change that routine anytime soon though.

just gotta play a little bit less, and study a lot more. i changed my mind about the first one.

be happy

so much has happened since i last wrote/deleted what  i initially wrote. things, people, events, emotions, non-happenings.

like i’ve said a million times over, i rarely blog when it matters. sigh.

so what brings me here today? frustration.

 i caught a glimpse of what i thought i wanted to be, who i thought i aspired to be. well, for a start of course (i never aim too low *snort*) and the picture wasn’t pretty. and it was saddening, frustrating. i doubt any of you know what i’m talking about. but just be reminded of this, never piss on people (figuratively, duh) just because you think you know better, because you’re think you’re either older or wiser or smarter or richer. there are reasons for this, of course, and if it isn’t already too obvious, you’ve gotta seriously get an attitude check. the most obvious would be cause sometimes you’re not as bright as you think you are. fullstop. but even if you are, it just doesn’t merit you pissing on people. really. and of course, because hidup ini bagaikan roda.

everything you say represents who you are. well, some people do a fine job of showing us what arses they are, huh.

i rarely stay angry. by george, i hardly get angry. you all know i’m too oblivious (and i ‘d like to think, tolerant) to care. but if i say something’s wrong, something’s wrong. (ok, i so totally hijacked a line from 27 Dresses, which i just watched, and isn’t james marsden just impossibly irresistable in it?)

ramble. ramble. it’s been a month, cut me some slack.

another line. you’re cynical, cranky and impossible. but fighting with you has been the best thing that ever happened to me. sound familiar? i’d say it’s the story of my life.

what else happened? H1N1. let’s just not go there. i hope melbourne is having a blast.

school’s in session next week, and part of me’s excited. caught wind of interesting snippets of gossip and i’m raring for some social experimentation. you just watch the new me. you won’t be able to resist. OR. the more real version of what’s going to happen, i’ll go to class, fade in the background, not a learn a thing til it’s time for some marks, scramble my way through the semester and get barely satisfactory grades in exchange for absolutely nothing gained. how’s that sound?

i’m also frustrated about many other things. the kind of things i usually internalized and not mention. so that just sucks.

and i’m not craving for the ipod touch yet. geez, such a brat.

let’s just end this abruptly, shall we? :/

i wish i could write it all down. i really do. but i can’t. but living with this fear creeping at the back of your mind every day is taxing. i’m scared, i really am. this is something i really don’t want to go through, not now. and not just for my sake. but even if it was for selfish reasons, does it make it wrong? in my defense, in my opinion, no. i don’t know if things are gonna be alright, but i pray it does. just give us time. please, God.

i’m gonna be okay. i hope he will be too.

Upset of the Season? Nope, well deserved!

Cantiello: Last question: There’s some heartbroken Adam Lambert fans on the Internet. What do you say to them right now to cushion the blow a little bit?

Allen: OK, here’s the deal: Adam is gonna be fine. He’s gonna be a megastar. He’s probably gonna be bigger than me, so don’t worry about him. He’s great. I’m really happy for him.

Cantiello: Happy for him, and super happy for you. Congratulations, Kris.

Allen: Thanks a lot.

Cantiello: Enjoy the ride

-My two favourite Idol-related people this year. Jim Cantiello, in absence of a StarWorld channel (or even with em), you have always lighted up my days. SHOUTOUT!

sidenote to (cough) Danny Gokey : that’s how you do it.

SO, need I scream more? I am as willing as Kris Allen to acknowledge Adam Lambert’s awesome chops, but I can’t help but be ecstatic to have, for the first time ever, the object of my devotion win AI. Last year, it could’ve gone either way and it wouldn’t have mattered much (though Cook appealed more). Most of us the seasons before were blah, then Kat McPhee had to lose to eeewww Taylor Hicks. So, this is just awesome! Admittedly, I wouldn’t have minded him losing, in hopes of getting some Archuleta charm. But, THIS IS JUST AWESOME!

Dear American Idol producers,

Please don’t screw up Kris Allen’s career and let him take his own creative liberties on his album.

Thanks.

Love, Khalidah Nazihah

oh, oh, oh. Get a load of this! Well, this sort of prompted the note above anyway.

This is Jim Cantiello’s final note on his live blog of the American Idol Finale.

10:15 pm – BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!! The press room left the feed up after the show went off the air and I NEEEED to share what I just witnessed. Right after Kris won, he was whisked away to backstage, where a crew was waiting for him to say “I’m going to Disney World!” Kris, being a low key dude, wasn’t giving the producer what he wanted. “Be more excited!” Kris tried to up the energy. “I’m going to Disney World!” “You can do better than that! SCREAM IT!” Kris tried again. The producer pushed more. Kris tried again. And then an “Idol” stage manager rushed in and started yelling at the other producer. “That’s the best you’re gonna get! Let him be himself! He doesn’t do excitement!” I’m so depressed that I witnessed that. Okay, I’m done now. Thanks for reading!

;’(  fears for Kris Allen.